Cyberlove

Our chat started innocently enough. She was a stay at home mom of 3 kids who was taking courses at a local college. A devoted mother who was home-schooling her children and by all appearances was very happy. As she talked ( typed ) about her life, I couldn't help but observe that she did not mention her spouse, though her profile information stated that she was married. So after a few minutes, I asked about her hubby. Thus began another sad tale of the power that the internet can have over some users.

They were new to social networking on the internet and they enjoyed the opportunity it provided to meet new people. After a few weeks, her hubby asked her if they could mutually agree to allow one another to "flirt" ( often code for cybersex ) with others online. She agreed to flirting, she admitted to flirting on occasion, but it didn't occupy a huge portion of her online time. Then one day, she opened her hubby's cell phone bill. The bill contained $400 worth of calls to a woman in another state. When she confronted her husband, he admitted to an infatuation and that he and the lady had begun arranging to meet. She told him those 3 little words men often hear in these situations..." PACK YOUR STUFF!" The hubby had fallen into cyberlove.

The chat ended and I digested what she had told me. There was once a time when I believed that internet affairs were symptoms of trouble that was already brewing in a relationship. While I still think it is true in most cases, I'm convinced there are times where folks new to the internet, and who may lack online savvy, fall victim to cyberlove. We chat in the safety of our homes, often alone and secure in our den or study. The feeling of safety and the one to one dialogue between people, the often intimate setting, can lead to revealing one's deepest secrets and innermost feelings about self and family.
A bond is often formed over a period of several chats, based on communication and trust, no different than real world relationships...except for one caveat...it's based solely upon words, there are no actions.

The internet is all sunshine, blue skies, and everyone gets a puppy. There are no bills to pay, morning breath, parenting issues, or other life situations with cyberloves that one finds with a real time partner. Real spouses are at a disadvantage when forced to compete with a cyberlove. The cyberlove has no apparent "warts." Where else but the internet can the thrice divorced, unemployed male with a substance abuse problem, and living in his mother's basement be known as "Superman?" Name another place where the verbally abusive and negligent mother can be known as "Angel."

I've met hundreds of people offline, there are a lot of good people but there are also some that are nothing like the online persona that they've created. I'm amazed at people who would not buy a house or car sight unseen but will drop everything to run off to be with their virtual loves, though I do understand the process that leads to these decisions. In every instance that I've known or heard about, the people involved are new to the net and have never met anyone face to face offline. IMHO, we should go slowly and be healthy skeptics when online. Trust should be earned, we have only the word of our chat partner with no others to vouch for him/her in most instances. We think because we are honest, others are as well. Sadly it is often not the case. That it the virtual reality. Peace to all...John