I chuckled to myself earlier as I read a blog about "Women's Responses." So much truth in them. As a guy who has lived 55 years and had my share of (failed ) relationships, I thought I'd add a few more pieces of advice for my fellow males who may not be as savvy as myself.
Women will ask questions, but in reality, men, they are commands. For example: "Wouldn't you like to run to the grocery for me?" Ok...It's 5 minutes prior to kickoff on Monday Night, you've busted your tail at work ALL danged day, the thought of tonight's game being the saving grace that allowed you to endure this lousy day. The last thing you want to do is run to the grocery, but you've no choice, because what she is really saying is, " I'm going to take a 2 hour bath, run to the grocery and get me some Marlboro Lites, fixings for tomorrow's lunch salad, and some lotto tickets." We know that if we don't do it, there will be the devil to pay. So in order to maintain the peace, we go. The smart man picks up a gallon of her favorite ice cream or some chocolate, therefore opening the possibility to his little soldier being sent on manuvers when the game is over ; ).
" Are you going to watch that game?"...Fellas, this is NOT a question, it is a challenge. A line is being drawn in the sand, and this could be the defining moment in the relationship. If you cave in, you may as well hand her your balls, you've no longer any use for them. But if you hold your ground, there is a good chance that " Mr Happy" isn't going to see any action for quite some time, and you had better have those internet porn sites bookmarked. Fortunately, unbeknownest to her, you bought 2 tickets to the touring production of " Phantom of the Opera" two weeks earlier, now is the time you pull them from your wallet. Not only do you get to watch the game, but you've a good shot at oral sex, and let's face it. It's like Ray Romano says, when we normally get it, we're reminded to renew our driver's licenses. Oh!!!!! Make sure to buy tickets to the Friday night performance, NOT the Sunday matinee'..or else you'll miss next week's game ; ).
" Does this dress make me look fat?"...Ok guys....It is ok to LIE here, in fact I encourage it. What's that? She always said she wanted honesty? Look pal, a padded bra, a girdle, and make-up, how honest is that? Tell her she looks great, but do not go overboard, thus risking what little credibility you still have. I've been on many a female's page on different websites, a suggestion if I may...tell her that she looks " stunning"...it seems to work on most dating sites
Peace to all..... John
With all that insight it's difficult to believe that you don't have women banging down your door...LOL
ReplyDeleteAnd for the record, any woman who asks "does this dress make me look fat?" is simply in the mood to argue with you. It's the most stupid question a woman can ever ask and she knows it. She's itching for a fight, pure and simple.