'I'm Going to Meet a Friend"..Successfully Meeting Offline

I recently had an online friend travel to meet a gentleman with whom she had been chatting. It did not work out in this particular instance, but she was able to tie in a visit with an online couple with whom she had also been chatting. That meeting was a success! Which brings me to my message I'd like to share today. It and 75 cents will get you a Coke, but if it saves one person a little heartache, then it's all good. When meeting your online chat partner, approach it as if you are simply meeting a friend. You increase your odds of success.

At this point, I feel it's necessary to make full disclosure. I myself have fallen head over feet with a chat partner. I've had to rein myself in a time or two. It is oh so easy to fall, to form that attachment. You're sitting safely within the 4 walls of your home, trading stories, sometimes the anonymity can lead to sharing intimate details with your "trusted" partner. The text chat eventually leads to talking via phone, which serves to further personalize the bond. You begin to make the object of your adoration the "perfect" partner, your soulmate. When one reaches this point, and I've seen it play out in a very public way in chatrooms and on social sites, one is sitting oneself up for failure. The expectations become so hard to reach in many cases, and your ability to reason slowly slips away. Try to keep it in the proper perspective.

It takes guts to put oneself out there, to roll the dice and step outside the confines of the computer screen. I've turned many VIRTUAL friends into REAL TIME friends over the past 14 or 15 years, there was a lot of trial and error involved on my part. Here are a few tips that I think can be helpful......

1) meet in a public place,,,,when having the initial meeting,never meet your internet friend at his or her house.

2) avoid meeting at a vacation spot or resort....is it the company of your friend that you are enjoying or are your senses being overwhelmed by all the whistles and bells?..

3) make him come to you....I'm constantly amazed by the number of women who are willing to jump off of a plane and into the car of a complete stranger!!! You're in unfamiliar surroundings and you've accepted a ride with a man whom you've never met before. Call me old fashioned but if a man has an interest, he can come to your town and get a hotel room. Ted Bundy was an officer in the Young Republicans club, the BTK killer was a Lutheran church Deacon. I don't mean to be so extreme, I'm just trying to make a point....safety first

4) with safety in mind, you tell him you want to bring along a trusted friend....if he objects, "next" him...But John, his feelings will be hurt because I don't trust him...NEXT!...He thinks I'm being overly cautious...NEXT!... He says he won't meet me if I bring someone else along..NEXT!....Any reasonable man is aware that you need to ensure your safety..

5)trust your instincts....if you feel your partner has not been forthcoming or has practiced deception, you're probably correct. Trust the little voice inside your head.

6) dress casually and try to have a relaxed approach.

I've witnessed very public crash and burns on this site in the past 18 months, several times they've involved my friends. In the aftermath, I've had women write me. " John, why didn't you try to stop her? She is your friend, you knew that she was heading for a fall." The simple answer is that the women would not have listened to me. The online love endorphins are so strong that the men involved could have served them a pile of crap on a plate, told the ladies it was prime rib, and the gals would have asked for seconds. You cannot reason with drunks or those in love.

When I first entered the online world, I'd see women in local chatrooms sit by and watch as men who had victimized them took advantage of a new lady. I thought they were uncaring, cold, catty, delighting in watching someone fall prey as they did. So I asked one of the gals, I found out that I was wrong. " She would not believe me, John, these guys are good at what they do. He'll tell her that I'm jealous because he rejected me and she will believe him." I hear you, sister.

Many of us hate to see our online friends suffer heartache. But by failing we often learn. We cannot save our friends, but we can soften the blow, help them to rebound and move on. The added pressure of a romantic entanglement can lead to poor decision making when meeting people offline. In my opinion, it is best to use the "K I S S" method. Keep it simple, stupid. As soon as safeguards are met, meet sooner rather than later. Think " I'm going to meet a friend."...peace to all....John