So You've Joined a Dating Site

You're in your 40s or 50s, your wife ran off to the Bahamas with that co-worker she was always complaining about, and after 3 months of anger and 3 more months spent hoping she would come back, you've finally come to grips with the fact that you are suddenly single. Your occupation doesn't lend itself to meeting dating prospects and your approach in the produce aisle at Kroger has everyone bowing their heads and saying " lettuce pray."< garden variety pun>.You're tired of looking nightly at internet porn with your tongue hanging down to your dupe. So you've joined a dating site. No, you're not a loser, you're not home on a Saturday night dialing the " Desperate and Dateless" hotline at your local radio station. But there are some guidelines one should adhere to.

1) Your picture
Under age 40, women tend to be more into a man's looks, after age 40, they really don't care whether or not you have a 6 pac, they only hope you didn't down one on your way to the first date. No scowling like Dick Cheney or smiling like Chris Farley in Tommy Boy. Any picture that is not currently being displayed on a "Sex Offender" site should suffice...

2) Picking Your Name
This is important, right away you are provided the opportunity to display some creativity. Wait!!!!! By this, I do NOT mean a name such as " NineInchMale4U" ( unless you're joining "Adult Friend Finder" as there are many names such as that there....er...so I hear). Stay away from names such as "Plumber Joe." You'd sound like one of the cards in a deck of Old Maid. "Luvs2Camp" "BikeridingMale" and " A Running Man" are all good choices. Even if you haven't left your sofa since the Clinton administration, you appear to be an active guy.

3) Your "hook." The introductory line sites require of you that acts as a title for your monologue that will follow. Avoid lines such as " ready to try again" " a new beginning" or " love the second time around." Hey, you're middle aged and on a friggin' dating site, no need to remind everyone you've failed before. I use my Parcelguy name with the hook line " retired UPSman but I still deliver." Clever, some innuendo, but fun. This is not to say that if you are a plumber, you should use a line such as " 45 yr old plumber still layin' the pipe." That may be a bit overboard.

4) Your monologue. Be HONEST. The b s lines that work on Bambi and Tiffany will not fool Cathy, Linda, and Lisa. Do not start out with " I'm an intelligent male..." because 40 and 50 something women tend to be healthy skeptics, they see " intelligent male." as an oxymoron. No need to embellish yourself with any adjectives, a simple " I am male" is more than enough and you do not entrap yourself. By that I mean you are a male, right? Why set yourself up for failure under the harsh examination of a shrewd female???

5) Avoid listing bogus interests or hobbies. Do not say that you love opera when you think Carreras, Domingo, and Pavarotti are members of the Italian National soccer team...

Ok...there you have it, you've had the guts to put yourself out there, that in and of itself takes some doing!!!!! Good luck to you!!!! Peace to all, and with my tongue mostly in cheek ; P Have a GREAT week all... John