Do you prefer a trash bag with ot without a draw string?

Tuesday, October 13, 2015


I was on the phone with a friend of mine who recently turned 50...She was telling me about all of the AARP related mail that she was receiving and I was rolling laughing....She inspired what follows..

As we get older
closer to playing harp
we're contacted at 50
by entity called AARP

the discounts they offer
can be good as gold
the downside to this
is that you're getting old!

some women take issue
in fact they will scoff
at admitting they're 50
to get 20 cents off!

and to question hearing
is going too far
if healthy no need for
a hearing seminar

so ladies ignore the
notices you receive
bask in advanced youth
you look great, I believe

there's no need to complain
and there's no need to carp
toss notices in the trash
you are too young for AARP...

Angel From Indiana

tried the distancing thing
a time or two
cause it pains me so
the strain I cause you
but it's always the same
found out no matter who
the simple truth is
that she'll never be you

the day that I met you
sitting here at my perch
I realized that an angel
had  fallen to Earth
your outer beauty
matches beauty within
just thinking of you
causes my head to spin

you say that I'm biased
well that might be true
cause in my book no one
holds a candle to you
my feelings I write
my words I have spoken
just feel after you
that the mold was broken

In the next life you stated
you would look everywhere
in attempt to find me
you know I'll fire flares
when I read that text
what a sight for my eyes
such a romantic notion
my heart fluttered inside

so do what you must
cause it might ease your pain
just know on my end
baby, nothing will change
I'll adore you till times end
over you I'm bananas
there's no other like you
Angel from Indiana.....

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Send In the Clown...With Ice Cream

" Yes I'm a clown but I don't wanna be, why can't you see the other side of me?" Lyrics from Everybody Loves A Clown by Gary Lewis and the Playboys.

" We women love men with a sense of humor" she told me. Pffffttttt...I've heard it a million times and I always think the same thing. " I've never seen Bozo the Clown on the cover of People Magazine walking the red carpet with his hot date!" In fact Bozo spends his days hanging out with 4-10 year old children. Hmmmm...How did he fly under To Catch A Predator's radar?

Oh I've no doubt that women enjoy humor, it's just that on the "Female List of Male Priorities" it can be found around number 14, under things like "cleans his fingernails, has no substance abuse problems, and has a steady income. Women can find wit on their Iphones. Technology has dealt a romantic death knell to we humorously, amorous men.

Depressing? Heck yes it is! But I deal with it like a 20 year old college female does after a break up with her boyfriend. I indulge in ice cream. It is the epitome of comfort food, a perpetually satisfying treat. I find myself lusting at the choices with each visit to the Walmart freezer.

 Ice cream has so many advantages over women. Such as if you're terrible saying sweet words it does not matter, ice cream melts no matter what you say. And it never says " don't get any in my hair" when you're pouring chocolate syrup on it. It never takes issue with the lipstick on your collar from Sheila in accounting. The stress is missing from a relationship with ice cream. Ice cream always pleases.

Well my pizza is here, until the next blog...Peace to all...John : )

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Misheard Song Lyrics

I'm 7 years old in the backseat of the car, I sang as my mother drove. " Gonna get a jack-o-lantern, gonna get married." My mother said " John that is not what they are saying." At age 7 I was unaware that a carved pumpkin had nothing to do with a wedding ceremony. I don't know from whence the jack-o-lantern line stemmed ( I throw the puns in for the 3 or 4 folks who write to say that they enjoy my PUNS!). We can all agree that I butchered The Dixie Cups "Chapel of Love."

Years later I was discussing misheard song lyrics with a shop owner on my UPS route. He told me that he fell over laughing one day when he heard his wife singing " pay me, for what you're gonna do." Yes, she'd taken Pure Prairie League's Amie, a beautiful love song and transformed it into love for hire!

Probably the most misheard lyric in the history of rock is a line found within " Lookin' Out My Backdoor." I can home from UPS one night back in the 80s, before the glut of P Cs, to find my then wife holding the phone in her hand. A radio station was having a contest, a case of Pepsi was at stake! They wanted the line that followed " look at all the happy creatures dancing on the lawn." I sang off key " a dinosaur Victrola listening to Buck Owens." And we won!

Ahhh the memories...perhaps you can think of some misheard songs of your own?

Prisoner of Love

Late in the night
I am in bed
the thoughts of you
fill up my head
surrounded by darkness
ceiling fan turns
you're on my mind
for you I yearn
feeling at times
becomes so intense
bound by desire
behind love's fence
realize the limits
yet I persist
knowing it's you
I cannot resist
I'll never have you
thus my heart bleeds
you are my dream girl
the dream's all I need
you inspire feelings
that no one else does
I shall gladly remain
your prisoner of love......

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Life 2.0...My Thoughts On This Film

Filmmaker Jason Spingarn-Koff spent hundreds of hours in Second Life meeting people via his cameraman avatar Jay Spire. The result is this fascinating documentary released in 2010, a feature selection of the 2010 Sundance Film Festival. This film should be required viewing for anyone who spends time in virtual worlds. It follows the lives of 4 people and powerfully documents how their real lives are transformed by their participation on Second Life. All 4 people eventually experience, in some form, real world unhappiness. I found myself taking notes as I watched the film. I chose Steve and Amy to be the focus of my blog as I've witnessed so many couples such as this one on the internet. 

Steve is a married ( 20 years ) forty-something male from the province of Alberta in Canada, Amy a married ( 11 years) thirty-something female from Westchester, New York. We are introduced to the couple prior to their first real life meeting. They are already " in love," Steve assures us that it is not sexual but calls their affair " emotional adultery." They both admit that their spouses, while aware that they are on Second Life, are clueless as to the depth of their relationship. 

Next we are witness to their first meeting at the airport. They hug, kiss, their actions remind me of lovers who are reuniting after an extended time apart. In voice over, Steve says that he is glad that Amy is who she portrayed herself to be ( translation...Amy is a hottie!). They walk to Amy's van, Steve is pressing against her and repeatedly they kiss. " First stop, Motel Six" I thought to myself as I jotted down notes. 

The following scene, dealing with this couple, opens with the shot of a quaint little motel as I break into a knowing smile. The camera takes us inside where Steve and Amy are seated on the bed together, although fully dressed for the camera, they've obviously consummated the relationship. Their relationship now "complete," they're smiling like a couple of teens, all giddy with joy. 

Steve returns to Canada, we see their avis in a virtual scene together and hear their REAL voices as they talk to one another. Suddenly we hear sounds from Amy's den and see her avatar click out of the room. When her avi returns to the room, she says that her husband Jimmy walked in and surprised her. 

By their second meeting at Amy's house in New York, they have each separated from their spouses and are divorcing. We are introduced to Amy's young daughter ( by the way, Steve refers to her several times as Amy's daughter, never once calling her by name). One can cut this child's sadness with a knife, the collateral damage of the affair brought painfully before our eyes. The couple is all in and Steve will be moving from Canada to live with Amy in New York. 

The couple are now living together in New York. Jimmy has yet to remove all of his belongings from the home. Steve suggests throwing Jimmy's stuff out with the trash, Amy argues that it should be kept until Jimmy can retrieve it. Later we see the couple working together in the garden. There is tension between them, a task as simple as gardening leads to an argument. Soon Steve returns to Canada as he could not find work in New York ( he says due to his alien status ) Amy remains in her home. We see the couple lying in their beds, talking to each other on Skype. Amy is still extremely smitten, Steve shows signs of being over it. He tells her that he is too tired to talk but wants to go to sleep with the sound of her breathing in his ear. 

In the next scene, Steve is talking via cam to Jason Spingarn-Koff. He assures him that Amy and he are committed to working it out but there are issues that must be worked through. We're then switched to a devastated Amy, sitting in her house in New York, tearfully bemoaning the death of the relationship. She proclaims that she was " real" and Steve was "fake." She says that Steve is "free" and has moved to India and her voice trails off. Amy has been left alone to pick up the pieces. 

The filmmaker was granted tremendous access to this couple. It is ironic that when I was doing research for this blog, one of the reasons I found that Amy gives beforehand for her participation in this film is that if it goes badly, it could serve as a cautionary tale for other couples. 

Sunshine, blue skies, and everyone gets a puppy. All of the good and none of the bad. Over the years,these are the two sentences that I've most used when discussing the reality of virtual romance. The people at the keyboard are real, the feelings are real, but the couples are not facing real life issues together. No bills to pay, no children to raise together, no bad breath in the morning. Online love is the perpetual summer romance. 

In her final scene, through tears Amy says " I'm not stupid" and she isn't. But hopefully by now she realizes that she fell in love with the virtual Steve and not the real Steve. The perfect Steve, largely a creation of her mind. Like many before her, Amy projected the qualities and traits that she desired upon Steve. Though there are success stories, there are many more failures when it comes to long distance relationships. In my humble opinion,staying local is a much better option. But if one is to pursue a LTR, one may want to wrap some Teflon around one's heart. Peace to all...John : )