The AARP AGE

I was on the phone with a friend of mine who recently turned 50...She was telling me about all of the AARP related mail that she was receiving and I was rolling laughing....She inspired what follows..

As we get older
closer to playing harp
we're contacted at 50
by entity called AARP

the discounts they offer
can be good as gold
the downside to this
is that you're getting old!

some women take issue
in fact they will scoff
at admitting they're 50
to get 20 cents off!

and to question hearing
is going too far
if healthy no need for
a hearing seminar

so ladies ignore the
notices you receive
bask in advanced youth
you look great, I believe

there's no need to complain
and there's no need to carp
toss notices in the trash
you are too young for AARP...

Angel From Indiana

tried the distancing thing
a time or two
cause it pains me so
the strain I cause you
but it's always the same
found out no matter who
the simple truth is
that she'll never be you

the day that I met you
sitting here at my perch
I realized that an angel
had  fallen to Earth
your outer beauty
matches beauty within
just thinking of you
causes my head to spin

you say that I'm biased
well that might be true
cause in my book no one
holds a candle to you
my feelings I write
my words I have spoken
just feel after you
that the mold was broken

In the next life you stated
you would look everywhere
in attempt to find me
you know I'll fire flares
when I read that text
what a sight for my eyes
such a romantic notion
my heart fluttered inside

so do what you must
cause it might ease your pain
just know on my end
baby, nothing will change
I'll adore you till times end
over you I'm bananas
there's no other like you
Angel from Indiana.....

Send In the Clown...With Ice Cream

" Yes I'm a clown but I don't wanna be, why can't you see the other side of me?" Lyrics from Everybody Loves A Clown by Gary Lewis and the Playboys.

" We women love men with a sense of humor" she told me. Pffffttttt...I've heard it a million times and I always think the same thing. " I've never seen Bozo the Clown on the cover of People Magazine walking the red carpet with his hot date!" In fact Bozo spends his days hanging out with 4-10 year old children. Hmmmm...How did he fly under To Catch A Predator's radar?

Oh I've no doubt that women enjoy humor, it's just that on the "Female List of Male Priorities" it can be found around number 14, under things like "cleans his fingernails, has no substance abuse problems, and has a steady income. Women can find wit on their Iphones. Technology has dealt a romantic death knell to we humorously, amorous men.

Depressing? Heck yes it is! But I deal with it like a 20 year old college female does after a break up with her boyfriend. I indulge in ice cream. It is the epitome of comfort food, a perpetually satisfying treat. I find myself lusting at the choices with each visit to the Walmart freezer.

 Ice cream has so many advantages over women. Such as if you're terrible saying sweet words it does not matter, ice cream melts no matter what you say. And it never says " don't get any in my hair" when you're pouring chocolate syrup on it. It never takes issue with the lipstick on your collar from Sheila in accounting. The stress is missing from a relationship with ice cream. Ice cream always pleases.

Well my pizza is here, until the next blog...Peace to all...John : )

Misheard Song Lyrics

I'm 7 years old in the backseat of the car, I sang as my mother drove. " Gonna get a jack-o-lantern, gonna get married." My mother said " John that is not what they are saying." At age 7 I was unaware that a carved pumpkin had nothing to do with a wedding ceremony. I don't know from whence the jack-o-lantern line stemmed ( I throw the puns in for the 3 or 4 folks who write to say that they enjoy my PUNS!). We can all agree that I butchered The Dixie Cups "Chapel of Love."

Years later I was discussing misheard song lyrics with a shop owner on my UPS route. He told me that he fell over laughing one day when he heard his wife singing " pay me, for what you're gonna do." Yes, she'd taken Pure Prairie League's Amie, a beautiful love song and transformed it into love for hire!

Probably the most misheard lyric in the history of rock is a line found within " Lookin' Out My Backdoor." I can home from UPS one night back in the 80s, before the glut of P Cs, to find my then wife holding the phone in her hand. A radio station was having a contest, a case of Pepsi was at stake! They wanted the line that followed " look at all the happy creatures dancing on the lawn." I sang off key " a dinosaur Victrola listening to Buck Owens." And we won!

Ahhh the memories...perhaps you can think of some misheard songs of your own?

Prisoner of Love

Late in the night
I am in bed
the thoughts of you
fill up my head
surrounded by darkness
ceiling fan turns
you're on my mind
for you I yearn
feeling at times
becomes so intense
bound by desire
behind love's fence
realize the limits
yet I persist
knowing it's you
I cannot resist
I'll never have you
thus my heart bleeds
you are my dream girl
the dream's all I need
you inspire feelings
that no one else does
I shall gladly remain
your prisoner of love......